"My weeping remained only for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning" Psalm 30:5
The dawn of the morning approached as we awoke to take Jack for surgery at 4:30am to be at the hospital by 5:45. We drove to the hospital quietly, but I felt a tremendous peace and strangely enough - Joy. Jack was still in his Elmo pj's, as I didn't see any reason to change his clothes. We all settled into the pre-op childrens area where Dr. Mooney and the anesthesiologist came to talk to us about the surgery. Jack was happy as ever, playing with all the toys his heart could desire. It was a nice distraction. They gave him some medicine 10 min before they took him back for surgery. It really made the separation nice for us, no crying or screaming or calling out for 'mommy'. I had a great sense of peace. James and I quietly held hands as we left the to go to the waiting room. Surgery took 1.5 hours and we were able to see Jack in recovery. He rested very comfortably in recovery, and true to Jack form as he was waking up he asked for his 'warm milk' (yes, i give my son a warm milk latte every morning...you do what you gotta do..). The nurse laughed and said we'd better start with clear liquids.
As we moved to the floor, Jack was very uncomfortable and rightfully so. He was also probably more fully aware he was not at home, and in a different scary place with beeps, lights, and unfamiliar people. It took a few hours before we could make him comfortable with the right combination of medicine. By the early evening, he was beginning to have an appetite and ate a few pieces of chicken and fruit. He slept for 3 hour incriminates at night, only requiring Tylenol with codine every 4 hours. James slept with Jack in the tiny twin hospital bed, and I lay awake on the pull out couch with my fluffy pillow from home. ( I'm convinced James could sleep on a tree branch 30 feet in the air and say he was fully rested.) When the surgeons told us we could be discarged that next day at their 6:30am rounding, I eagerly jumped at the chance to go home to be in my own bed.
We left the hospital by 9:00 am and were home. Jack, James and I napped for 3 hours. And then, Jack has been fine... just fine. He has required no pain meds, slept all through the night, and acts as if nothing ever phased him. The nurse in me expected the very worst. I was more than surprised. The only thing that breaks my heart, is he knows something is different and is frustrated he can't get around like he used to (he was walking pretty well/ almost running with his brace on!) He has complained that his "shoe too tight" which probably means he feels the throbbing from all the swelling. It's amazing how he has figured out how to scoot around with his leg in the air or crawl on his belly! A part of me was scared of the unknown, and still is...I won't deny that. I am so thankful for the spring like temperatures to allow us to go outside for nice long walks - it is essential for my mental well-being, and for Jack's. I was a little worried about having his surgery in winter - thinking we'd be stuck inside because it was too cold...Boy have I been wrong about everything! (and that's just fine...)
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. - 2 Corinthians 4:16
I am not sad for Jack. I don't feel sorry for him. I don't pitty him. I am eager and hopeful. I am learning to allow the Lords plan to prevail - and not mine for Jack. Though I endure human doubts, worry and anxiety about him - I am being renewed by ability to relinquish that which I can not control easier than I ever have in the past - and have peace. True peace.
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